How To Break The Cycle Of Codependency In A Friendship

People often refer to codependency in romantic relationships, but it isn’t exclusive to those partnerships. Codependency can harm almost any type of relationship. While those traits can certainly carry over into romantic endeavors, they can be just as damaging in friendships. 

While great friends will often suggest that they “complete” each other or that they balance one another out, codependency looks different. It’s not about balance or completion. Rather, it occurs when one person has a heavy reliance on the other. 

Let’s take a closer look at codependency in a friendship. We’ll cover what it really looks like. More importantly, we’ll talk about what you can do to break the cycle of codependency in a friendship and enjoy healthier, happier relationships. 

Magnified Roles

Healthy relationships always have a bit of give and take. However, those roles tend to shift based on need. There are times in friendships where one person will be the “giver” and one will be the “taker.” 

But, those roles shouldn’t be permanent. 

In a codependent friendship, one person tends to be the taker all of the time, forcing the other person to be the constant giver. That might be draining on the giver, but because they feel so needed, it can serve as a confidence boost. They’ll feel important in the relationship. 

Unfortunately, these magnified roles aren’t healthy for anyone, and can lead to imbalanced relationships with toxic dynamics. 

What Are the Signs of Codependency in a Friendship?

If you’re not sure whether you’re in a codependent friendship (no matter your role), some of the most common signs include: 

• One person is always trying to fix the other person’s problems.

• One person plays the role of “rescuer” every time.

• There are constant anxieties and fears over the relationship.

• One person feels used. 

• There is a distorted sense of reality. 

Things like relationship burnout and upset feelings are also pretty common signs. If you’re relying on a friend to make you feel fulfilled, it’s going to be exhausting. If you’re playing the role of the one who your friend relies on, it might be fun for a while, but it can also make you feel limited or even trapped. 

Eventually, both of you might feel like you’re losing a sense of individuality. The rescuer often takes on their friend’s emotions and won’t make their own choices. The other person might feel like they can’t do anything or make their own decisions without the friend being involved. 

What Can You Do? 

If these issues sound familiar, the good news is that the cycle of codependency in a friendship can be broken. 

If you are the codependent one, the best thing you can do is to acknowledge there’s a problem. Admitting that you’re struggling with codependency isn’t easy, but it’s a necessary first step. When you acknowledge the issue, you can seek out help from a professional to determine the cause of your codependency. You can also start to focus on self-care and finding an identity and purpose outside of your friendship. 

If you’re the “taker” in the relationship, don’t hesitate to set healthy boundaries. Again, it might be fun to be needed for a while, but that gets old very quickly. You’ll be putting yourself first in healthy ways by establishing boundaries and talking to your friend about changes that need to occur. 

No matter your role in a codependent friendship, understand that you don’t have to tackle these challenges on your own. Breaking free from that kind of cycle can be difficult. Friendship Therapy can help, from digging deeper into the relationship to guiding you to find healthy ways of keeping the friendship intact.  Feel free to reach out to learn more.

Is Therapy With Friends Really A Thing?

You’ve probably heard of group therapy and couples therapy – both effective treatment options for a variety of issues. However, you may not have heard of “friends therapy” before. Or, if you have, you might be asking yourself if it’s really a thing. 

The answer is yes – and, it can be more effective than you might think. 

Friendships are crucial in so many people’s lives. In some cases, your friendships will be the longest-lasting relationships you’ll ever have. 

So, it only makes sense to foster those relationships and make sure they stay healthy. That includes working through any issues and improving your communication with each other. 

With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at therapy with friends, and why you might want to consider it. 

The Benefits of Therapy With Friends

If you’ve been on the fence about therapy with your friends, consider the benefits. You don’t necessarily have to be struggling within your friendships to reap the rewards. This type of therapy can help to improve your communication skills and encourage growth within your inner circle. 

In many cases, you can view therapy with friends as a sort of “maintenance” technique. Friendships tend to weaken over time, and like anything you care about and love, they require extra attention to stay strong and well-maintained. 

You’ll also develop better listening skills and learn how to communicate more effectively with your friends. Not only can that help with any conflicts that might arise, but it will give you a better understanding of your friends’ needs. 

In return, they’ll understand your needs and wants on a deeper level, too. When that happens, your friendship will grow and become stronger. 

Finally, it can improve your sense of connection. 

Let’s face it, we live in a digital world. You might see your friends regularly, but it’s likely that most of your contact is done via phone calls, texts, FaceTime, etc. Therapy with friends allows you to feel closer and foster a more real-world connection that can easily get lost in today’s tech-savvy society. 

Working Through Issues

It’s not uncommon for couples to attend marriage counseling when their relationship is struggling. 

The same idea applies to therapy with friends. 

You might have unresolved conflict in your relationship that has created tension between you and a specific individual or your entire circle of friends. Therapy gives you all a safe space to address any underlying issues so you can work through them. 

It can also give you the opportunity to address life changes that you feel have put a gap between you and your friends. It could be a romantic relationship/marriage, physical distance, or even a new job. You might not have the same ideals and views you once did, which can drive a wedge between you and your friends. 

Therapy can help you to work through those differences and address them in an open space. 

Dealing With Concerns

Sometimes, therapy with friends can be used to safely address concerns you might have about an individual in your inner circle. 

Maybe your friend is in a toxic or abusive relationship. Maybe their views have become so extreme that you don’t recognize them. Or, you might be concerned about their mental health and how it’s affecting them. 

While therapy for friends isn’t a substitute for an intervention, it can be used to openly discuss concerns and bring them to everyone’s attention. At the same time, once those concerns are revealed, you’ll have the opportunity to work through them together. 

Whether you’re just hearing about this type of therapy or it’s been on your radar for a while, consider giving it a try. Your friendships deserve it. 

Reach out to us to see how we can help you work on your friendships.