My Partner Has Alexithymia! 5 Ways You Can Help

Most people understand the importance of communication in a relationship. But, for someone with alexithymia, communication can be difficult, because they aren’t fully aware of their own emotions — or their partner’s emotions. 

Alexithymia is a condition in which a person has a hard time identifying their emotions or expressing them. It can create discomfort in and out of relationships, and cause that person to seem apathetic. Obviously, in a relationship, that isn’t what you want. 

Alexithymia can make it difficult for your partner to connect with your emotions, so you might think they’re somehow cold or that they don’t care. That couldn’t be further from the truth. People with alexithymia feel all of the same emotions as everyone else. They just have a harder time expressing them. 

So, what can you do to help?

1. Be Clear and Concise

Again, communication is a key component of a healthy relationship. Don’t give up on it just because of this condition. Instead, double down on your efforts and be clear and direct about your needs and wants. 

By directly telling your partner how you feel about something, there is less room for miscommunication or negative assumptions. Don’t assume that non-verbal cues will be effective, because they’re not likely to understand how you’re really feeling through subtle hints. 

2. Educate Yourself

Your partner might not know that they have alexithymia, especially if they’ve been feeling the same way most of their life. 

If you’ve noticed some of the signs of the condition, educate yourself further. Take a look at more of the common symptoms, causes, and effects. The more you educate yourself, the easier it will be to pass that knowledge onto your partner, so they can develop a better understanding of what they’re dealing with. Awareness doesn’t automatically fix everything, but it certainly helps. 

3. Help Them With Their Feelings

You have a unique opportunity to serve as your partner’s guide for feelings. While you have to tread lightly in “telling” them how they might be feeling, you can certainly guide them based on your observations to help them understand the name of an emotion. 

For example, it’s usually fairly easy to see when someone is angry or sad. Point those instances out to your partner. When you do, they’ll be able to identify the right emotion as it relates to what they’re feeling internally. 

4. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself can actually make a big difference in your relationship. It can sometimes be challenging, being in a relationship with someone who has difficulty understanding and expressing their emotions. 

If you truly want to support and help them, you have to put yourself first. You can’t pour from an empty cup. 

Take the time to incorporate relaxation efforts into your day. That could include mindfulness, meditation, or journaling. The less stressed you are, the more you’ll be able to help your partner work through this condition. 

5. Encourage Therapy

Therapy is a great way for your partner to learn more about their condition in a safe and judgment-free environment. 

Working with a therapist can also help them better understand where their alexithymia might have stemmed from, so they can start working on it from the ground up. They’ll learn better communication skills, and eventually be able to feel more in tune with their own emotions. 

Alexithymia can be difficult for both people in a relationship to deal with. But, it doesn’t have to create lasting turmoil or communication problems. Encourage your partner to contact me for couples counseling, and continue to support them however you can by being patient and helping them understand what they’re feeling.

How To Communicate With Your Partner When They Have ADHD

We tend to think of ADHD as a disorder that impacts children. But, those children grow up. ADHD doesn’t just disappear during adulthood. 

While many adults are able to manage their symptoms fairly well, it’s still important to understand that the condition is still a part of who they are. 

When you’re in a relationship with someone who has ADHD, you might have to make adjustments to how you communicate. You’ll also have to be open to understanding where they’re coming from and how their mind processes things. 

Can it be difficult at times? Of course. But, relationships rely on healthy communication, and being able to foster that in your relationship is important. 

Let’s cover a few tips you can use to strengthen your communication with your partner when they have ADHD. 

Be Patient With Your Partner

One of the most important and helpful things you can do to better communicate with your partner is to show more patience. It’s important in every relationship, but even more so when your partner has ADHD. 

They might have a hard time communicating their thoughts and feelings the same way you do. Everyday tasks like work or school can feel overwhelming to them. 

On top of that, their frustrations can easily turn into fears if they feel like you’re struggling to understand them. Unfortunately, that piles on the stress even more, and can cause their symptoms to worsen. 

ADHD isn’t something someone chooses to have. Keep that in mind as your partner tries to talk to you, and show them the patience they deserve. 

Focus On Their Strengths

Everyone communicates differently. Some people are better speakers. Some are better listeners. Pay attention to your partner’s strengths and weaknesses when it comes to communication efforts. Do they get frustrated easily when they can’t get their point across? Do they lose focus quickly? 

Instead of letting those struggles throw a wrench in your communication efforts, choose to focus on their strengths, not their weaknesses. 

Work together to find ways to communicate that “bypass” those weaknesses. That might include breaking conversations up into smaller sessions. Or, you might consider using visuals or other things that will help your partner stay focused. 

Treat Them As an Equal

If you feel like you have to “parent” your partner, you’re never going to have a relationship based on equality and respect. 

Adults with ADHD might need some help and encouragement as they go through everyday tasks. But, there’s a difference between offering that encouragement as their equal and treating them like a child. 

One of the worst things you can do is criticize or lecture your partner when they aren’t communicating the way you think they should. While you can (and should) express your needs and offer suggestions, they shouldn’t be made to feel like they’re wrong just because certain areas of communication are difficult. 

If you do go that route, you’re more likely to experience more frequent arguments. Your partner might even start to resent you and the way you treat them. 

Educate Yourself on ADHD

Again, ADHD is a real and legitimate disorder. Some people are able to manage their symptoms better than others. But, at the end of the day, it’s crucial to understand how your partner thinks and where they’re coming from in terms of communication. 

Learn as much as you can about ADHD, in general, and utilize your partner as a source of information. Dig into their thought process. Ask questions. Not only will it show them that you’re invested in the relationship and where it’s going, but you want to make communication a priority so your bond becomes stronger. 

Connect with us soon to learn more about the benefits ADHD Treatment and Couples Counseling.

3 Easy Ways To Have Healthy Conflict In Your Relationship

The idea of conflict in your relationship might not be all that appealing. No couple likes arguing or disagreeing. Sometimes, it can even feel like your conflicts never really “go away”, and you just sweep them under the rug for a while. 

While conflicts aren’t exactly fun for anyone, they’re often a normal part of healthy relationships. 

Yes, the happiest, healthiest couples in the world still have disagreements. It’s how they choose to work through those disagreements that makes a difference. 

Not sure how to have healthy conflict in your relationship? Let’s cover three easy ways that can change the way you and your partner communicate during disagreements.

1. Focus on the Present

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you’re dealing with a conflict is to bring up past hurts. That’s the issue with sweeping things under the rug – they never really go away until you work through them. 

If you and your partner are disagreeing about something, focus on that. Be mindful of the moment, and don’t bring up conflicts from the past that caused problems. Doing so lets your partner know you didn’t “forgive and forget”. It also might tell them that you’re harboring resentment. 

More importantly, if you don’t let go of those past hurts and you continue to bring them up, you’re not doing yourself any favors, either. They will stir inside you and cause constant tension. 

If there are unresolved issues in your relationship, dedicate a specific time to talk about them. But, don’t let them come into a disagreement or conflict that’s happening in the present.

2. Be Respectful

It can be difficult to show respect when you’re upset about something and you feel like your partner is the perpetrator. 

However, a lack of respect can cause even a small conflict to feel like something much bigger and daunting. It’s important to remember that you and your partner are on the same team. That’s not always easy to do when you’re disagreeing about things. 

But, if there’s not an undertone of respect in every conflict, you’re both more likely to say hurtful things. You’re also both more likely to feel the need to “win” the argument rather than come up with the most effective solution. 

Talk about the importance of respect in your relationship and make an agreement to give it to each other, even when you’re upset.

3. Don’t Play the Blame Game

One of the big problems that comes from needing a “winner” or “loser” in an argument is that you’ll rarely look to yourself as a source of any conflict. 

Sometimes, one person is clearly in the wrong. Other times, you might simply disagree on a subject. Either way, it’s important to show grace and look within to determine what you could be doing differently – or better. 

Even if your partner has done something wrong, you’re not going to make the situation better by pointing the finger at them. 

Instead of blaming them (or vice versa), acknowledge that you both make mistakes or that you simply have different views on certain things. That’s okay. You’re human and you’re flawed.

When you use “I” statements to tell your partner how you’re feeling, you’ll quickly de-escalate your disagreement. Focus on how the situation makes you feel, take responsibility for your actions, and shift your focus on how you can overcome the problem rather than arguing about it. 

Healthy conflict isn’t a bad thing. When done the right way, it can actually end up strengthening your relationship. Keep these ideas in mind to change the way you communicate during conflicts, and your arguments will never be the same. 

Reach out soon to learn more about couples counseling.