How Common Is Infidelity? Exploring the Prevalence and Impact in Modern Relationships

Most people recognize cheating in relationships as a negative thing, but that doesn’t necessarily stop them from doing it. In fact, recent studies have shown that infidelity in modern relationships is fairly common.

About 20% of men and 13% of women have reported cheating on a partner. While there are countless factors that can play into infidelity, those statistics might be a bit shocking to some.

So, why do people cheat? Why is infidelity so common, and what impact is it having on today’s relationships?

The Monogamy Argument

Some people argue that monogamy is natural for humans, but that might not necessarily be true. Most species in the animal kingdom do not mate for life, with a few exceptions — including, supposedly, humans.

People argue the validity of monogamy using many different factors to back them up. Often, Biblical arguments are used, but so many major figures of the Bible had multiple wives and tended to practice more polygamous lifestyles.

There is not some kind of test that can be performed to determine if humans are naturally monogamous or not, but one might argue that if we are, why is infidelity such a major issue? Why is it the subject of so many movies, television shows, and songs? Why do we spend so much time talking about it, thinking about it, and dissecting it? It is something on our minds and something we want to learn more about, so the idea of staying with one person for life might not be as “natural” as some people think.

Why Do People Cheat?

Again, there are countless reasons why people decide to commit adultery in a relationship. Some of the most common causes include unmet needs (physical or emotional), poor communication, self-esteem issues, attachment issues, or the desire for something new.

Infidelity is a different experience for everyone. Some people specifically seek out new relationships as something different and exciting. Others find opportunity in the least-expected places and take advantage of it.

A Slippery Slope

Some people today do not believe that humans are naturally monogamous, so they are completely okay with the idea of an open relationship. They might have a committed partner, but both people are free to date others, and even be intimate with others.

While both partners are not necessarily cheating, by their own definitions, these actions can still take a toll on the relationship.

The Impact of Infidelity

No matter the reason, there is no denying that infidelity can take a toll on a relationship. First, it impacts trust. If you are in a committed relationship and you cheat on your partner, it will be extremely difficult for them to trust you again. If someone cheats on you, that lack of trust might carry over into future relationships.

Cheating can also lead to mental health issues like depression or anxiety. You might start to feel insecure and carry those worries with you into other areas of life.

Even in an open relationship, your partner being with someone else can wreak havoc on your mental well-being. You might start to wonder why they prefer that person over you. It can impact your self-esteem and the way you carry yourself. Whether you stay in that relationship or not, viewing yourself in a negative light can create attachment or dependency issues and foster unhealthy relationship habits.

No matter how you feel about infidelity or how common it is, there’s no denying the negative impact it can have on relationships and individuals. If you are struggling with the aftermath of infidelity, being able to talk to someone is key. Do not hesitate to reach out for help and schedule a consultation for couples therapy soon.

How Ignoring Communication Issues Can Harm a Couple

Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Most people understand its importance, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they prioritize it. Some people even choose to ignore communication issues within their relationship. 

While you might be able to sweep those issues under the rug for a while, it’s not a sustainable practice. 

If you’re dealing with communication issues in your relationship and trying to ignore them, you could end up doing more harm than good. Let’s dig a little deeper into the problems you could be causing, and what you can do to fix those underlying problems. 

Mental Health Issues

A lack of healthy communication in your relationship can lead to a variety of mental health concerns. First, you and your partner might start to assume the worst about yourselves, each other, and your relationship as a whole. These assumptions, misconceptions, and misunderstandings can lead to anxiety, depression, and self-doubt. 

When you fall victim to mental health issues — especially depression — your relationship can start to feel hopeless. You might think that things will never get better, or that your partnership is doomed to fail. 

Anxiety, on the other hand, can make you hypervigilant in your relationship. You might start changing who you are in an attempt to “hang on” to your partner. These behaviors aren’t healthy for anyone, and they’ll end up harming your relationship even more. 

Lack of Growth

Maybe you try to ignore communication issues because you’ve been with your partner for a long time and assume you should just stick to the status quo. 

But, relationships aren’t meant to be static. 

People grow and change over time, and your relationship should do the same. If you’re ignoring communication issues or aren’t talking to each other about your needs and wants, your relationship is going to become stagnant. There will be no opportunity for growth, and you might grow to resent each other. 

Isolation

Some people try to ignore communication issues because they don’t want to rock the boat. Maybe you don’t like confrontation. Maybe you’re not sure exactly how to bring up certain issues. 

Unfortunately, by trying to avoid conflict, you’re likely going to end up making yourself and your partner feel more isolated and lonely. 

Even the healthiest, happiest couples argue and have disagreements. We’re not always supposed to think the exact same way. Conflicts can be healthy when you choose to approach them with respect. Arguing can strengthen your bond and make you feel closer, while ignoring issues can make you both feel like you’re in separate corners of the ring. 

When you ignore communication issues, it becomes difficult to remember that you and your partner are on the same team. So, even though you’re technically in a relationship, you’re likely to start doing more things on your own. 

Types of Communication Issues

Communication issues go deeper than just not expressing yourself fully. One of you could be passive-aggressive. Someone might constantly use generalized statements or play the blame game. Ignoring these issues will only make matters worse. You’ll start to feel bad about yourself, and wonder if there’s any way to change things, and it might even start to be the downfall of your relationship. 

Of course, addressing communication issues when you’ve been ignoring them for a long time is easier said than done. Don’t assume you have to tackle it on your own. 

Counseling is a great way to get to the bottom of those issues and learn where they stem from. Once they’re out in the open in a safe, neutral setting, you can work together as a couple with your counselor to put healthy, effective communication strategies in place. You might be surprised by how quickly things change, and how much stronger your relationship feels. 

If you’re ready to stop sweeping your communication issues under the rug, contact me today to set up an appointment for couples counseling. 

Building Stronger Relationships: A Guide for Couples

Even the happiest, most successful relationships take work. As a couple, building a stronger relationship over months and years should be something both you and your partner prioritize.  Thankfully, it’s easier than you might think. By focusing on consistently strengthening your relationship, you’re likely to enjoy benefits like increased intimacy, trust, and even better communication. 

With that in mind, let’s take a look at a few strategies you can put into practice right away to build a stronger relationship and enjoy the fruits of your efforts for a long time. 

Prioritize Communication

Again, one of the benefits of a strong relationship is better communication. But, it also requires you to put effort into your communication skills so you know how to interact with each other. Communication should be a top priority in any relationship. It helps to eliminate assumptions and uncertainties. It makes your needs and wants clear, and can make it easier to work out disagreements in healthy, effective ways. 

Strong communication is a two-way street. While it’s important to clearly express yourself, you also have to choose to be an active listener. Lead with respect and eliminate distractions when discussing things with your partner. When both of you prioritize communication, you’re more likely to show vulnerability, which will boost trust and intimacy throughout your relationship. 

Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude

What are some of the things about your relationship that you’re most grateful for? Does your partner know how you feel about them? 

It’s easy to focus on the negative things that might pop up in a relationship. Maybe you don’t like that your partner leaves their muddy shoes by the door or the long hours they work. No one is perfect and no matter how much you love someone, you’re not going to like everything they do. 

But, instead of focusing on the negative things, choose to be grateful for the positive points of your relationship. What about your partner are you grateful for? What do they do that makes your life better or easier? 

When you both focus on your relationship with gratitude at the forefront, you can enjoy fewer disagreements and a better attitude toward each other. 

Spend Time Together

There’s no denying we live in a busy world. You and your partner might have stressful schedules, and you might fall into habits that leave you both distracted, even when you’re technically together. If you want to strengthen your relationship, focus on being present with each other when you have time together.

More importantly, make time. Even if you have to schedule a designated date night once a week to break up your routine and slow down your schedules, make it happen. 

Prioritizing time together will help both of you understand your importance to one another. Dedicated time gives you both a chance to open up about your feelings and thoughts, and when you focus on the present moment, you’ll feel closer and more intimate. Your date night might end up being the thing you most look forward to every week. 

Consider Couples Counseling

There’s a common misconception that couples therapy is only for people who are in a rocky relationship. You don’t need to wait until you and your partner are having problems to enjoy the benefits of working with a therapist together. 

Couples therapy can help you improve communication, deal with any underlying issues, and provide more healthy and effective ways to strengthen your relationship if you’re having a hard time doing it on your own. 

If you want to prioritize your relationship and create a stronger foundation for the future, reach out to set up an appointment today for couples counseling. 

My Partner Has Alexithymia! 5 Ways You Can Help

Most people understand the importance of communication in a relationship. But, for someone with alexithymia, communication can be difficult, because they aren’t fully aware of their own emotions — or their partner’s emotions. 

Alexithymia is a condition in which a person has a hard time identifying their emotions or expressing them. It can create discomfort in and out of relationships, and cause that person to seem apathetic. Obviously, in a relationship, that isn’t what you want. 

Alexithymia can make it difficult for your partner to connect with your emotions, so you might think they’re somehow cold or that they don’t care. That couldn’t be further from the truth. People with alexithymia feel all of the same emotions as everyone else. They just have a harder time expressing them. 

So, what can you do to help?

1. Be Clear and Concise

Again, communication is a key component of a healthy relationship. Don’t give up on it just because of this condition. Instead, double down on your efforts and be clear and direct about your needs and wants. 

By directly telling your partner how you feel about something, there is less room for miscommunication or negative assumptions. Don’t assume that non-verbal cues will be effective, because they’re not likely to understand how you’re really feeling through subtle hints. 

2. Educate Yourself

Your partner might not know that they have alexithymia, especially if they’ve been feeling the same way most of their life. 

If you’ve noticed some of the signs of the condition, educate yourself further. Take a look at more of the common symptoms, causes, and effects. The more you educate yourself, the easier it will be to pass that knowledge onto your partner, so they can develop a better understanding of what they’re dealing with. Awareness doesn’t automatically fix everything, but it certainly helps. 

3. Help Them With Their Feelings

You have a unique opportunity to serve as your partner’s guide for feelings. While you have to tread lightly in “telling” them how they might be feeling, you can certainly guide them based on your observations to help them understand the name of an emotion. 

For example, it’s usually fairly easy to see when someone is angry or sad. Point those instances out to your partner. When you do, they’ll be able to identify the right emotion as it relates to what they’re feeling internally. 

4. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself can actually make a big difference in your relationship. It can sometimes be challenging, being in a relationship with someone who has difficulty understanding and expressing their emotions. 

If you truly want to support and help them, you have to put yourself first. You can’t pour from an empty cup. 

Take the time to incorporate relaxation efforts into your day. That could include mindfulness, meditation, or journaling. The less stressed you are, the more you’ll be able to help your partner work through this condition. 

5. Encourage Therapy

Therapy is a great way for your partner to learn more about their condition in a safe and judgment-free environment. 

Working with a therapist can also help them better understand where their alexithymia might have stemmed from, so they can start working on it from the ground up. They’ll learn better communication skills, and eventually be able to feel more in tune with their own emotions. 

Alexithymia can be difficult for both people in a relationship to deal with. But, it doesn’t have to create lasting turmoil or communication problems. Encourage your partner to contact me for couples counseling, and continue to support them however you can by being patient and helping them understand what they’re feeling.

How To Communicate With Your Partner When They Have ADHD

We tend to think of ADHD as a disorder that impacts children. But, those children grow up. ADHD doesn’t just disappear during adulthood. 

While many adults are able to manage their symptoms fairly well, it’s still important to understand that the condition is still a part of who they are. 

When you’re in a relationship with someone who has ADHD, you might have to make adjustments to how you communicate. You’ll also have to be open to understanding where they’re coming from and how their mind processes things. 

Can it be difficult at times? Of course. But, relationships rely on healthy communication, and being able to foster that in your relationship is important. 

Let’s cover a few tips you can use to strengthen your communication with your partner when they have ADHD. 

Be Patient With Your Partner

One of the most important and helpful things you can do to better communicate with your partner is to show more patience. It’s important in every relationship, but even more so when your partner has ADHD. 

They might have a hard time communicating their thoughts and feelings the same way you do. Everyday tasks like work or school can feel overwhelming to them. 

On top of that, their frustrations can easily turn into fears if they feel like you’re struggling to understand them. Unfortunately, that piles on the stress even more, and can cause their symptoms to worsen. 

ADHD isn’t something someone chooses to have. Keep that in mind as your partner tries to talk to you, and show them the patience they deserve. 

Focus On Their Strengths

Everyone communicates differently. Some people are better speakers. Some are better listeners. Pay attention to your partner’s strengths and weaknesses when it comes to communication efforts. Do they get frustrated easily when they can’t get their point across? Do they lose focus quickly? 

Instead of letting those struggles throw a wrench in your communication efforts, choose to focus on their strengths, not their weaknesses. 

Work together to find ways to communicate that “bypass” those weaknesses. That might include breaking conversations up into smaller sessions. Or, you might consider using visuals or other things that will help your partner stay focused. 

Treat Them As an Equal

If you feel like you have to “parent” your partner, you’re never going to have a relationship based on equality and respect. 

Adults with ADHD might need some help and encouragement as they go through everyday tasks. But, there’s a difference between offering that encouragement as their equal and treating them like a child. 

One of the worst things you can do is criticize or lecture your partner when they aren’t communicating the way you think they should. While you can (and should) express your needs and offer suggestions, they shouldn’t be made to feel like they’re wrong just because certain areas of communication are difficult. 

If you do go that route, you’re more likely to experience more frequent arguments. Your partner might even start to resent you and the way you treat them. 

Educate Yourself on ADHD

Again, ADHD is a real and legitimate disorder. Some people are able to manage their symptoms better than others. But, at the end of the day, it’s crucial to understand how your partner thinks and where they’re coming from in terms of communication. 

Learn as much as you can about ADHD, in general, and utilize your partner as a source of information. Dig into their thought process. Ask questions. Not only will it show them that you’re invested in the relationship and where it’s going, but you want to make communication a priority so your bond becomes stronger. 

Connect with us soon to learn more about the benefits ADHD Treatment and Couples Counseling.

3 Easy Ways To Have Healthy Conflict In Your Relationship

The idea of conflict in your relationship might not be all that appealing. No couple likes arguing or disagreeing. Sometimes, it can even feel like your conflicts never really “go away”, and you just sweep them under the rug for a while. 

While conflicts aren’t exactly fun for anyone, they’re often a normal part of healthy relationships. 

Yes, the happiest, healthiest couples in the world still have disagreements. It’s how they choose to work through those disagreements that makes a difference. 

Not sure how to have healthy conflict in your relationship? Let’s cover three easy ways that can change the way you and your partner communicate during disagreements.

1. Focus on the Present

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you’re dealing with a conflict is to bring up past hurts. That’s the issue with sweeping things under the rug – they never really go away until you work through them. 

If you and your partner are disagreeing about something, focus on that. Be mindful of the moment, and don’t bring up conflicts from the past that caused problems. Doing so lets your partner know you didn’t “forgive and forget”. It also might tell them that you’re harboring resentment. 

More importantly, if you don’t let go of those past hurts and you continue to bring them up, you’re not doing yourself any favors, either. They will stir inside you and cause constant tension. 

If there are unresolved issues in your relationship, dedicate a specific time to talk about them. But, don’t let them come into a disagreement or conflict that’s happening in the present.

2. Be Respectful

It can be difficult to show respect when you’re upset about something and you feel like your partner is the perpetrator. 

However, a lack of respect can cause even a small conflict to feel like something much bigger and daunting. It’s important to remember that you and your partner are on the same team. That’s not always easy to do when you’re disagreeing about things. 

But, if there’s not an undertone of respect in every conflict, you’re both more likely to say hurtful things. You’re also both more likely to feel the need to “win” the argument rather than come up with the most effective solution. 

Talk about the importance of respect in your relationship and make an agreement to give it to each other, even when you’re upset.

3. Don’t Play the Blame Game

One of the big problems that comes from needing a “winner” or “loser” in an argument is that you’ll rarely look to yourself as a source of any conflict. 

Sometimes, one person is clearly in the wrong. Other times, you might simply disagree on a subject. Either way, it’s important to show grace and look within to determine what you could be doing differently – or better. 

Even if your partner has done something wrong, you’re not going to make the situation better by pointing the finger at them. 

Instead of blaming them (or vice versa), acknowledge that you both make mistakes or that you simply have different views on certain things. That’s okay. You’re human and you’re flawed.

When you use “I” statements to tell your partner how you’re feeling, you’ll quickly de-escalate your disagreement. Focus on how the situation makes you feel, take responsibility for your actions, and shift your focus on how you can overcome the problem rather than arguing about it. 

Healthy conflict isn’t a bad thing. When done the right way, it can actually end up strengthening your relationship. Keep these ideas in mind to change the way you communicate during conflicts, and your arguments will never be the same. 

Reach out soon to learn more about couples counseling.